I cheated on my love. I came out clean by confessing everything. But after that I cheated again for several months. But I didn’t confess this time. I realized my mistakes, changed myself and I’m out of that affair. I feel very very sorry and guilty for whatever I’ve done. I can’t confess it again, for I’m afraid that it will lead to unbearable problems. But every now and then, I feel like the worst person alive. How can I come out of this situation?
—K. C., India
Dear K.C.,
If your resolve to put this affair behind you is sincere and strong, it is best to leave it behind you. As you say in your email, you made no further confession for the reason of it being potentially fatal to your relationship. However, secrecy breeds repetition.
Therefore, you must act clearly and consciously to avoid all outer circumstances which might tempt you to relapse. This means avoiding that person; avoiding conversations, texts, emails, etc., etc. And, if your karma inclines you to attract other “victims” of your charm, you must assiduously avoid circumstances where flirting, prolonged and unnecessary conversations with anyone who you might tempt or be tempted by. Be like a “monk” or “nun” or a swami in your relations with anyone who could be a source of temptation. Do not gaze into the eyes of such a person; 0r gaze at pictures that tempt you; avoid (obviously) pornography or romantic novels or movies.
But temptation begins in the mind even where outer reminders don’t exist. Therefore, purification of the mind of sex temptations should also be undertaken. Sex instinct is deeply rooted in human consciousness and the body. You mustn’t think you are dealing with a “lightweight.” Transmute this instinct or any insecurity that stimulates your karmic tendency by focusing positively not just negatively.
Positive focus includes daily meditation and devotion; service to your spouse and family; thinking 0f the proper needs of others; regular and vigorous exercise; clean diet of wholesome foods; enjoyment of beautiful music; development of artistic skills, crafts, or hobbies; interest in science or philosophy; and, finally, keeping the company of spiritually minded people whether in person, or in this pandemic, virtually online. In short, keep busy in wholesome ways of body, mind, and soul.
If you relapse into yet another affair, you will need to face the consequences which start with confession and leads, presumably, to the end of your marriage. Whatever the result, you must uphold in your mind the purity of your soul and the power of will and grace to overcome any shortcoming even if it takes lifetimes. “A saint is a sinner who never gave up” said Paramhansa Yogananda!
I wish you well. Your sincere effort, offered to God and guru, will sucveed.
Nayaswami Hriman
Seattle WA USA
