I Still Love My Ex. Now He Has Died. My Heart Is Broken.


My Ex-partner and I broke up 20 years ago, we had a son together, but due to my Ex’s drink addiction and aggression we had to leave. Since we broke up we only spoke a few times on the phone. I was so in love with my Ex, he was my everything and though his aggression hurt and scared me, I never stopped loving him. Sadly he died in May 2020 and my heart is broken, I miss and love him so much. At times I feel he is with me, my shoulders and legs feel cold. I just hope you can clarify that.

—Trudy B, United Kingdom


Dear Trudy,

Your love is deeply inspiring: after 20 years of separation, of hardly any contact, after his alcohol addiction and aggression, you still feel that strong love. This is close to divine unconditional Love.

All situations come to us not to hurt us but for our growth. In your case that growth might be to take your love to a higher plane, to learn to love wisely, which means without pain. Pain comes from attachment. Think: “I loved him when he lived in another place. Why shouldn’t I be able to love him in the same way now? He is simply living in another place.”

I know that thought requires believing in the afterlife. Do you? If you do, and if Yogananda’s teachings speak the truth, your heart can breathe and relax: true love is a magnet that will draw souls together, again and again.

Think: “My Ex is now much happier there than he was here. Let me love him and feel joy for him. And we shall meet again!”

Maybe you will also take comfort from addressing him with these words from the Astral Ascension Ceremony by Swami Kriyananda. Read them aloud, several times, talking to him:

Dear (his name): You who have gone before us, have entered a realm which our souls remember: a place of freedom, light, and laughter. Take with you on your journey our blessings, and our love. We shall miss you! Our desire is not to hold you back, but only to tell you: Friend, we are yours; our love and support are ever yours, and our prayers for your highest happiness. We shall meet again! Once more we shall laugh together, rejoice together… And what of us, Friend, who love you and would be remembered by you? Behold us as threads of light in the tapestry of your life—threads which, through the magnet of soul-friendship, will appear ever and again, woven with increasing beauty as our hearts expand together in God’s love.

So let your love continue but try gradually to conquer that pain, by freeing your love from its attachment. Let him be happy there, love him there.

And if you are up for it: in time lift your love even more, gradually, slowly, slowly, try to free your love even from him, learning to be in love with Love itself. That Love is God. I hope this doesn’t sound too remote and strange to you.

All the best for your amazing heart. Your love is truly inspiring. May it find freedom,