I am in relationship with a man and waiting for getting married to him from very long but now he is entertaining his parents excuses. Its becoming very difficult for me since i belong to a village ,my parents are looking for a groom for me and i am already 30. I try to convince him since i cant see anybody else as my life partner. I feel so attached to him and not able to move on even when he keeps justifying his parents excuses against me and my family. I feel suffocated. Pls help.
—Gauri, India
Dear Gauri,
I feel for your plight. Perhaps it’s time to give him an ultimatum, setting a date, perhaps, by which a decision must be made. It isn’t emotionally healthy to have to “convince” a potential marriage partner to “tie the marriage knot,” because that sets up an unbalanced relationship. Instead one wants the marriage to be a mutual decision and a mutual feeling of commitment, love, and respect — even if, sometimes, it must go against the opposition of family if the marriage is truly one of souls and not frivolous.
So maybe it is time to be strong in yourself. A key statement that you made is that you “feel so attached.”
Visualize yourself without this relationship. Nevermind a marriage to anyone else. See yourself as a soul, not a body, not a gender, nor anything else but as a soul. In your mind and in your heart then stand before God one to one (in whatever form of God you find beloved and inspired). If Divine Mother says to you, “Dearest, I want you to remain single in this life; serve my children, the poor, or teach, or otherwise serve Me in the forms I will send to you, will you do this?” In your heart say to Divine Mother: “Thy Will, Mother, not my Will.” It may take some time of prayer and meditation and repetition for this to become real for you.
In other words, work on dissolving the attachment and becoming centered in who you truly are: a child of God without name or form. Reflect, if you can, how many marriages fail to satisfy expectations and even create great misery or suffering. Only accept marriage if it serves your soul, not your parents, not society, not even your own expectations.
When you become strong in yourself, without desire, fear, or attachment to any outward form or state of life, and open to the Divine Will, then you will have the magnetism to attract to you what and who is right for your soul unfoldment towards true happiness. Here’s an affirmation you might use:
“I am strong in my Self; I am complete in my Self; the joy and perfection of the universe await discovery within my inner Being.”
Joy and blessings to you!
Nayaswami Hriman
