Hello! I’m an infrequent meditator and now I’ve been with the practice again for a few weeks, but something seems different. In the last few meditations (very short ones 10-20mins) I’ve been seeing something like swirls of light that are seemingly pulling me in and in the last meditation the swirls formed a very vibrant tunnel, it was moving and felt like pulling me in and I felt like losing my sense of self. My ego got scared and I opened my eyes, confused and awed. What could that be? Thank you!
—Santa, Latvia
Dear Santa,
This seems to be a call for you to meditate regularly. Often when we start the meditative journey we are given some strong and amazing experiences, just to show us something of the inner world: things which are normally beyond our reach. It is the divine Fisherman catching us, his “fish”.
What happened, from how I understand it, is that you perceived inner energy flows of the spine. The inner spine is that tunnel. If you get deep inside you indeed lose the sense of self — and yes, one needs to be prepared for it, or else it’s scary. We lose our normal physical points of reference.
It might very well be that if you continue to meditate regularly, this experience – a deep and wonderful one – will be gone. Then the real work starts, regularly, devotedly, steadfastly. Meditative life is a long distance run, needing discipline, with good periods and less fulfilled ones.
But, meanwhile, you have had a taste of the inner tunnel. Keep that experience with you. Keep it inwardly alive.
Should it happen to you again, try to relax and go with it, as deeply as you can. When it gets scary, just breathe deeply, and it will be gone. Or open your eyes as you did.
All the best,
Jayadev
