My best friend fights with me. I said sorry to my friend but there is no response. He blocked all of my contacts. Actually, I lately supported him but he said support came too late from me. I want my best friend back. He used to talk, laugh with me, etc. Please help me. I want my bestie. How can I speak to my bestie? How can I delete the anger in him? Please help me.
—dipa, TamilNadu
Dear Friend!
To have friendship, be friendly and be a friend! I don’t know what you did to make your friend angry with you but anger doesn’t usually last forever. Is “saying sorry” enough? Is there something you should DO to make things right again?
Are you supporting your friend with money? (You wrote that “Actually, I lately supported him”). Sometimes if a person is dependent on another person and has no way to give back, anger and resentment arise from the frustration of not being able to give back and the indignity of being passively dependent on another person’s generosity. Perhaps your relationship is out of balance?
Reading your note and your own anxiety about the loss of your friend’s company makes me wonder if you are too dependent on your friend and whether your friend’s anger is related to a sense of being trapped by your emotional dependency. One way or another, whether through your friend’s being dependent on your money or you being dependent on your friend’s company, there seems to me to be something out of balance.
I suggest you speak with someone who knows you both and whose opinions you respect. Ask how you can repair this friendship in a way that makes it an equal exchange between the two of you. Friendship is characterized by mutual service to one another and a one-way street is not healthy. If, for example, your friend IS dependent upon you for financial support, it is important that you treat him always with dignity and respect and remain centered – to the extent that you value your friend’s company, then you should acknowledge that calmly and sincerely from time to time.
But I think it begins with you becoming calm and centered in yourself. Do you meditate? Pray? Chant? It would be good for now, especially, while your friend does not want to speak with you, for you to go within and seek the company of Divine Mother. Also, be busy serving your family, other friends, and keeping busy at work or in other ways. When another person feels that a friend is too dependent emotionally it is natural to withdraw because that is an unhealthy and unbalanced relationship. A healthy relationship should be an equal exchange energetically.
Be patient. Be kind. Be calm. God is the only true friend whose love is offered to you without condition. God, whether as Divine Mother or Father or Friend, is always with you but you must learn to sit in His presence in your heart both in silence and in activity.
Blessings and joy always in your heart and in your life,
Nayaswami Hriman
Seattle WA USA
www.Hrimananda.org
