My Father Passed Away, and My Family Is Pressuring Me to Marry


My Dad passed away the day when I was in a holy place. I returned immediately as soon as I received information. I am very close to my Dad. My parents saw a match for me, though they didn't fix it, they want me to meet the guy and his family after my return. But my Dad passed away within 2 days after he saw this alliance. And within few days, I was pressurized to marry this guy on an emotional basis. The dates have been fixed. I am not able to share this to anyone. I am sharing this only to God.

—Anonymous, India


Dear Friend,

I feel sympathy for your situation. I cannot help but wonder why the family feels to move forward and fix a date for your marriage in the face of your father’s recent death? You didn’t mention, however, whether your concern is simply the too soon date of marriage, or, marriage itself, or, the man they have chosen?

Since you didn’t mention an objection to being married or an objection to the family’s choice of a partner, it seems to me the question you are asking is whether your emotions at this time, so close to your father’s death, are clouding your decision or whether your reluctance to rush into marriage should be discussed with the family in hopes of postponing the marriage.

Coming as I do from the West (America) where arranged marriages are nonexistent, and where women’s rights are strongly affirmed, how can I not say to you: “express your feelings to the family! It is, after all, your marriage, not theirs! Whether India or America, arranged or a love marriage, if you are wrapped in the cocoon of your grief and mourning of your father’s death, it is very normal in society (anywhere and everywhere) to postpone the wedding.

But do also consider whether the partner chosen for you is in accordance with your own sense of rightness. By postponing you would give yourself more time to get to know each other, and each other’s families (if that is needed).

I cannot tell if perhaps you are being too emotional but under the circumstances you have described, a postponement of a wedding seems very appropriate.

Therefore, I recommend to you that you discuss this issue and these questions with your family. Be strong in your self. Pray to God and gurus for guidance to become calm and centered and to express your concerns and wishes in a kind and calm manner.

Marriage is for life (usually!) and you want the occasion to be joyful and harmonious. And it is your life and your wedding. It is also important to ask God, “What is your will for me?” Are there other circumstances that must be considered? Is your mother ill and is it such that if the wedding were postponed she would not be on this earth to witness it? Who knows what other karma is playing out here. So ask the questions in prayer and meditation but unless you receive calm intuition regarding the rightness of proceeding as the family wishes you to do, I think you should speak up. Otherwise, regret could follow for years to come.

Be of good cheer. Know that what is right for you must come to you and to accept all things as from the hand of Divine Mother Herself. Ask Her to speak and act through you.

In joy and in friendship,
Nayaswami Hriman
Seattle WA USA