I lost my husband 7 months ago, after 22 years of marriage.Though we loved each other madly, we never had a happy married life. Today I read the signs of a karmic relationship and conclude that we were in a karmic relationship.
I am the prime cause of his death. Around 8 months before his death, I started behaving badly with him. l am a compassionate person, but was behaving the opposite way. After his death, I have become totally unstable. For the last 3 months my eyes open automatically at 3:31 am.
Kindly explain.
—Rashi Verma, India
Dear Rashi,
I am very sorry for your loss.
It is very important for you not to load the responsibility of his death on your shoulders. He would never like or support that, he would tell you never to do that. Nor would any Master. Yes, you might have behaved badly, but that is human. We all have times when we behave in a way which we regret. It is simply human and normal. We are not perfect. If he died, his “karmic sands” had run out, he would have died anyway. It was his time.
His life is his, and the death is his karma, not yours. Please let this sink deep into your consciousness.
Nor is death something bad. He is very happy now. Why should you feel sorry for that? Death is not a bad thing. It is natural. If anything, it is a joy (not for those left behind, but for the departed soul, yes). Send him love, he will feel it.
Now is your time to find your center again. Please meditate daily, and pray to God to find back to your inner serenity and stability. If meditation doesn’t work, practice a gentle and inward yoga.
You are a compassionate person and you should, from today onwards, love yourself too, have compassion with you too, forgive you too for any mistakes you may have made.
If you do that, you will sleep again, become stable, and happy. This is a big and important moment for your soul’s growth. It is a perfect situation for you to learn something essential: it might have to do with self-acceptance, self-forgiveness, self-love (in a positive way), and self-honesty: seeing that in truth you are a marvellous soul, even though you made, make, and will make, mistakes.
In divine friendship,
Jayadev
