My Husband Died. Can I Have a Spiritual Marriage with Him?

Dear Adrienne,

I am sorry to hear of your loss. Spiritual marriage is a marriage of souls: of soul qualities. The soul never dies. Your love for each other can survive the passing of the soul from the body into the after-life, for this is a path we all must tread and have done so countless times before.

It is a general tenet of reincarnation that souls which have bonded on a spiritual level (rather than only on a physical or ego level) remain connected and will find each other in future lives. There is even a concept of “soul-mates.” This concept refers to a connection that existed at the time of the creation of twin souls and remains until those souls find each other. But that is a big topic and soul mates are by no means circumscribed or defined by a romantic relationship. Since we cannot readily know the truth of that fact, it is best not to fuss over it. (I mention it in case you have come across the concept.)

For you to ask the question I will assume that the relationship between you was one of respect, courtesy and friendship above all else. It is important to understand, however, that the law of karma may guarantee a “repeat engagement” but it may not necessarily be prompted by shared spiritual qualities. A couple whose marriage was characterized by competition or frequent bouts of disharmony might also find each other in future lives just to work things out!

Your question suggests a desire to continue your relationship but now on a higher, spiritual level. This is admirable. I would only suggest, though it may not be necessary, that your reaching out to him through prayer and meditation be centered in calmness and a sincere desire to express your love and goodwill that is without grasping, grief or attachment. The departed soul most often is unable to act on its own behalf. It is propelled forward (after rest) towards its next incarnation by the force of past actions. It is, however, sensitive to energy sent to it.

All faith traditions stress the value of praying for departed souls partly because the after-life state can be bewildering, confusing, and entail a steady loss of memory of the previous life (because that life was dependent upon the physical body, nervous system and brain). The loss of memory is a cleansing process designed to give us a new start in the next life.

Thus in the after-poise of deep meditation, one can send subtle energy and goodwill feelings to the departed soul that will continue your connection and at the same offer comfort and reassurance. You do not want to send emotions of grief or attachment because that hinders the soul from releasing from the prior life which is necessary in order to move forward towards the next life. It is your true, spiritual love that will retain the bond together because soul-consciousness transcends the limitations of time and place and form.

In a future life, you would thus recognize each other even if neither you have conscious recollection of your past life together. There will be a magnetic attraction that will bring you together in a wholly new set of circumstances.

To quote from the Ananda Marriage ceremony, “May our love grow ever more perfectly until it becomes the perfect love of God.”

Blessings to your on your quest,
Nayaswami Hriman