I have been trying to meditate for a while now with the techniques that you teach. While a part of me is very sincere and serious about the spiritual path, I still feel an extreme force which pulls me down. I make excuses not to do energization and meditation and then feel terribly bad about it later. Is it my previous karma which is resisting? How do I overcome this? I dread the thought that my life would only be materialistic without any spirituality. Please help.
Thank you for your question. This is a concern for every devotee at some time on the spiritual journey to find God. These dry periods are only a test to take us deeper in our devotion and practices.
First, please try not to feel badly or guilty when you fail. On the other hand don’t excuse yourself but take that energy used for being ‘down on yourself’ and be creative instead. Never give up trying. Set standards that you can accomplish and then add to those standards in which you are succeeding.
For instance, if you can only guarantee yourself meditating for 15 minutes a day — begin with that! Then gradually add on more meditation time. Building the habit this way will begin to help you in regularity. If you completely fail to meditate, then affirm strongly in your mind ‘I will try again.’ Positive thinking will help in planting the seeds of good habits.
Willpower in our search for God is absolutely necessary, also. Don’t ask yourself ‘do I want to meditate?’! Just sit in your meditation area and begin. Do your best, that is all God wants of you.
Always embellish your efforts with chanting, reading inspirational books, listen to Swami Kriyananda’s chanting and his music. Exercise, eat nutritional food to give your body energy, get proper rest, and keep good spiritual friends for group satsang.
Do the same with the Energization Exercises, don’t think about if you want to do them just begin. Possibly, hang a poster of the exercises where you see them as a help and a reminder.
Remember it is very, very, very good karma to even have the desire to want to know God. You will succeed. God knows that you are serious and sincere, He knows your heart. He is near. Make sure you are asking Him to be with you when you meditate. In the language of your heart with love and self-offering ask for His guidance. Devotion will help to hold you steadfast. Love and joy generated in your heart will begin to make your meditations something you do not want to ever miss! You will eventually long for the peace, love, and joy found in meditating.
Never give up. Your continued effort will flower into a beautiful regular sadhana without fail. Many blessings on your efforts.