Overcoming Intense Jealousy

Question

I am intensely jealous of a female friendship that my boyfriend has at work. This jealousy is destroying my relationship with him, as well as the peace and calm that manages to be generated when I can control myself & not begin an argument about her for a couple of days. I want him to have friends & creative collaborators, but part of me can’t drop this obsession over the idea that they have a romantic attraction. I consider myself a Yogi & devotee of Divine Mother and yet I behave this way.

—Sunrise, USA

Answer

Dear Sunrise, A good relationship is based on many things other than romantic attraction and/or love — very important qualities such as respect, trust, and good communication skills. It also helps to bring Divine Mother (and your Guru if you have one) into the equation as much as possible. An excellent first step would be for you to pray and meditate deeply, asking for help and guidance for your relationship and for this particular challenge.

Pray for answers at the beginning of your meditation, then set your questions aside and go deep into your own inner silence, using whatever meditation techniques you have to quiet your mind. At the close of your meditation time, sit quietly and wait for answers to your prayers. If they don’t come to you immediately, ask again and again in subsequent meditations. The answer will come and not necessarily while you are meditating — perhaps later in your day, when you are least expecting it, it may simply pop into your mind; and you’ll absolutely know it is a good and correct bit of intuitive guidance, given to you by your Divine Mother.

Second, speak clearly, truthfully, and calmly about your fears and concerns to your boyfriend. Do you trust him to tell you the truth? If so, and if he assures you that there is nothing more than friendship between him and this person, then ask inwardly to be able to accept what he says and trust him. This will also show that you respect him — so very important in a relationship! Then, let it go, over and over, as often as you need to. Place all your concerns in your Divine Mother’s loving care.

Finally, if jealousy rears its ugly head again, then speak firmly to this negative quality within yourself, asking it to leave you alone! Contemplate these powerful words from Swami Kriyananda’s booklet called Secrets of Emotional Healing: “The secret of overcoming jealousy is to realize that no human being ever owns another; each stands alone before eternity. That man or woman most truly loves who is inwardly free, and who grants perfect freedom to all. Everyone must grow at his own pace, to find his rightful position in the great scheme of things.”

You might change all or parts of these statements into an affirmation, such as: “I allow ___ (insert your boyfriend’s name) to grow at his own pace, to find his rightful position in the great scheme of things.” Or, “I am inwardly free; I grant perfect freedom to all!”

Here’s another excellent affirmation to work on (it is also a chant): “I own no one, I am free! In myself, I am free!” If you are not familiar with the most effective ways of saying (or singing) your affirmations, let us know and can send you some good instructions.