My son of 32 years committed suicide by hanging in 2018. Was it his karma to die that way or mine to lose a child that way. People say that souls who take their own lives does not reach God soon. Also, I often dream of my son, two particular dreams was one where he asked me why didn’t I put water for him when we did his 11 day prayer and two was I gave some of his clothes away after a year to the poor and family and in the dream he asked me why I gave his clothes away.
—Roshni Pillay, South Africa
Dear Roshini,
I am so sorry to hear of the sadness and loss in your life. It is difficult to understand what appears to be a senseless loss of a loved one. The ‘why’ behind the tragedy and our feeling of helplessness is almost impossible to bear and comprehend.
Right now try to have faith and belief in the Divine Purpose of all things that come to us, even tragic ones. Have faith in the goodness of life and belief in the Divine Hand behind all things. That is what is needed for you to have the clarity and strength to accept what happened. At the same time, do not hold yourself responsible for your son’s karma. Try not to judge but know that everything happens for a reason we may never really know. God gives us the strength to handle what He sends if we open to the blessings behind the trial.
The dreams you are having may just be your inner spirit attempting to reconcile the seeming failure a mother would naturally hold in her own heart. The dreams may just be your longing to connect with his soul. The best way to connect now is to send love and acceptance: he will receive that. Let go of the emotions, if you can, and ask for guidance and understanding. Ultimately God will not fail you or your son.
Instead of grieving, strive to send your son your unconditional love. At all times send your love, peace, joy, prayers, and the assurance that you know he will attain a place of light and freedom from all pain and suffering of earth. By doing this you can actually help the progress of his soul and not hold him back with your own grief. This practice of holding your son in the light will allow his healing and his release of karma. You will feel his love and joy in return. Your own healing can then begin.
Only Divine Mother knows for certain the reason behind your son’s suicide. We cannot determine or know the karma behind any action. Know that your son’s soul has gone to a realm that is beyond the turmoil of this world and is compatible with his deeper nature. She will take care of him. Your son does feel your love. And if you can find a quiet space in your heart, you will feel his.
If you would like to ask for more prayers for him and yourself, you could send a prayer request. God bless you!
Many blessings to you and your family,
Nayaswami Hassi
