Creating Harmony When You Are a Leader

Question

When working with other people and I disagree w/ their opinion, how can I know when to go along w/ them vs try to persuade them or tell them they must do it my way? Even when I am the boss, I want to create harmony and be open to other ways but I often have anger for many days after giving in. Is it good not to give yourself your way most of the time, even if you can, as a way to deprive the ego? If someone tries to get their way, even if it is not right or borderline, should I give in anyway?

—MJO, US

Answer

One way to know whether to listen to other people’s opinions is to have an overall vision of where you are going. Otherwise, how will you be able to understand this?

Being in a leadership position means that you are the one responsible for creating harmony among the group (it’s a big part of your job) and for bringing the larger vision of what you are working on into focus for all those who work with you.

It’s not about being popular or well-liked, but about being clear, communicative, trustworthy, fair and having respect for those you work with.

In working with others it is best from the beginning to understand that having their best interests at heart will produce the right results. It doesn’t matter what the outward circumstances are; this is simply the attitude that will work.

Seeing yourself as the boss and the one who should be right and should be followed will never produce the right results. If you are in such a position, then it’s best to work on developing the attitude that you are there to help and support others, not to boss them. It’s also equally important to see yourself and those that work with you as part of a team, and to feel that you are all working toward a common goal.

As you work toward that goal together, it is important to have respect for other people’s ideas and thoughts.

With some groups of people you may find that this is not possible because they themselves don’t want to work in this way. They may come to their work with anger or feeling used by others, or they may be always trying to compete rather than to work together with others harmoniously toward a goal.

It isn’t easy to do any of this, but it is what works. You’ll have to see what’s possible for you and for those you work with. But for you personally, developing these attitudes in your work is what will bring you a sense of fulfillment at the end of the day.