Hi, I feel there is no free will. I can quote you in Ramakrishna’s teachings: "Nothing can occur against the will of God." If God is our own mother, why can’t She fulfill our needs? At least why doesn’t She at least tell us yes or no. She may show various hints indirectly, but what is the point if we don’t get it? Why doesn’t She answer in the way we can understand? Why so much confusion?
If I understand correctly, your question is this: “Even if my free will is to do what Divine Mother wants, I may still not understand Her guidance, make mistakes, and suffer the consequences. Why? And even though I am devoted to Divine Mother, She still doesn’t always fulfill my needs. Why?”
Since you seem to have devotion to Sri Ramakrishna, let me answer with his own words: “God is in all men, but all men are not in God; that is why we suffer.”
In short, we are not enough in God. We don’t understand Divine Mother because our heart is still too far from Her. The only solution is to love Her more deeply. Love is the power of union which removes all veils of separation.
This is why Ramakrishna said, “Because of the screen of maya (illusion) that shuts off God from human view, one cannot see Him playing in one’s heart. After installing the Deity on the lotus of your heart, you must keep the lamp of remembering God ever burning.”
So ask yourself: how can I make the lamp of love for Divine Mother shine brighter in my heart? Maybe through chanting? Praying with more intensity? Meditating on Her? Talking with Her inwardly during the day? Remembering Her as much as I can? Serving Her consciously?
Then here is the trick: take such love into the silence during meditation. Lift your eyes and ask Divine Mother your question at the spiritual eye. After some time listen to your calm heart, feeling Her inner guidance. Do that various times. Her guidance will become clearer.
Slowly in this way we set our inner sails: “The winds of God’s grace are always blowing, it is for us to raise our sails.”
And why doesn’t God fulfill our needs? We always reap the result of our past karma. God can intervene, but only if our love for Him is strong. Love (kripa, grace) is above the law. But in moments when our love is not strong enough to attract such divine intercession, this may be a comforting thought: “Oh Arjuna, know this for certain: My devotee never perishes!” (Bhagavad Gita, 9,31)
You ask: “Why all this confusion?” Why doesn’t He make it easier for us? This seems to be the way the Divine Playwright (as Yogananda calls Him) has set up His drama: at first there is tough separation, suffering, and confusion. In time there is a longing to be reunited with Him. Finally we find that union, which is the glorious Happy Ending: 100% of Love and Bliss.
One day a disciple of Yogananda asked him: “I have such a great longing for God. Why does He take so long in coming?” “Ah!” Master replied with a blissful smile, “that is what makes it all the sweeter when He does come! Such is His romance with the devotee.”
Life is God’s great Love story, even though in the middle it hardly seems that way. The key to it all is simple: love, and love for God.
May it grow deeper in your heart,