I love my parents and my parents love me too. But like most other parents,they have also made mistakes in parenthood which has caused prolonged problems for me in childhood. I used to bedwet till about 15, 16. Instead of showing sympathy, they used to shame me on purpose in front of kin and blamed me of being lazy and indifferent.
Even in school, she would give me less food as she thought that was enough, compelling me to steal from my friends' tiffin boxes. Though they have changed, the damage caused undermined my confidence and performance for a long time. Hunger would not let me concentrate in studies.
Now I am in my 30’s, but I still feel angry at times, and in course of arguments, blame them for their negative attitude years back. But they have also done many good things for us as parents. So when I blamed them in anger, they feel very sad and that makes me sad too. Please help me.
—Amrita, India
Dear Amrita,
You are certainly not alone in this world, that is, in having parents who made mistakes in the way they raised you. Almost everyone has something they can say about how they wish things had been different during their childhoods.
But we must not let the past define who we are right now. The past is over! Ask God and Gurus to help you forgive and forget, and don’t put any more energy into blaming your parents for their errors — put it all behind you and get on with your life! You say that your parents have changed for the better. So that means it’s time for you to change for the better also!
There is no one whose life is free from mistakes. The trick about dealing with mistakes is to blame no-one, including yourself. Give it all to God — turn it all over completely. As many times as blame or anger it arise in your mind, or you want to say something hurtful or complain, ask God to help you to keep silent and to pray for those who have hurt you.
And don’t give in to anger — it can be very harmful to you! Anger is simply wishing that things were different from how they are (or were). It is a much wiser use of your energy to transmute that anger-energy into loving and forgiving energy. It might take some practice and some time, but you can do it! You will have a much happier life, if you strive always to do this.
It is a great blessing that you love your parents and that they love you also, and as you have said, “…have done many good things for you.” Concentrate only on these good things. Many people would envy you very much in having loving parents — many people do not have loving parents or any parents at all! Count your blessings and, with God’s help, let all that negativity go away!
