Finding a Marriage Partner


As per Bhagvad Gita, how to know that you have met the right person for marriage?

—Anukul, India


Dear Anukul,

Life’s karma and destiny are inscrutable. Marriage, whether arranged by others or by the attraction of two hearts to one another, is unfathomable. There’s no getting around this. Some marriages are indeed made in heaven; others, in hell. Most, somewhere in between! The consciousness of humanity at this time is such that marital relations are more confused than at any time in history that I am aware of. In the West, we have same-sex marriages and transgender relationships.

The right person in marriage can only be “right” on a soul level. The best way to start is with introspection: analyze your habits, your thoughts, your actions as to what degree are you kind and thinking of the needs of others, and to what degree are you affirming self-interest and self-satisfactions? Are you a person of dharma or adharma? Are you self-controlled? Do you have devotion to God, guru, and truth? Do you observe the refinements of good behavior, consideration for others, respect for others? How do you respond to criticism? Self-defensively? Introspectively? With humility? With anger?

In marriage, whatever you are in yourself will be intensified many times over. The law of magnetism suggests you will attract a partner most likely to test your weaknesses and, if fortunate, to help strengthen your soul-qualities. If you are blinded by good looks, you may be doomed to disaster. If, instead, you are inspired by goodness, energy, devotion, and intelligence, you have greatly increased the odds of a soul-satisfying marriage. Do not expect to find in another person that which you have not bothered to seek in yourself.

The answer to your question lies in self-analysis: what are your karmic tendencies and habits? As you are, so will you attract. Having said this, deepen your sadhana; your devotion; your selfless service. Consult with those whose wisdom you respect and trust. Pray for guidance. Live like a monk or nun with eyes “downcast” rather than furtively seeking entertainment, images, and gazes at the opposite sex in hopes of a mate. Be strong in yourself; be chaste. Increase your soul magnetism by strong sadhana and pure seva. Put aside thoughts of marital satisfactions, submitting to the Divine will and you will greatly increase your chances of attracting a true, life partner.

In divine friendship,
Nayaswami Hriman