I Am Married, Yet I Feel Attracted to Another


I am married to an extremely beautiful soul for a few years now. In a very unusual way I happened to meet a guy and the friendship cum attraction grew stronger. We are physically apart now but we do chat and plan to meet again may be months down the line. This distance has also calmed the attraction which was at its peak. Still I cannot deny the power or suppress this feeling nor do I want to be dishonest to my spouse even in thoughts which are hard to control. How can I transcend this desire?

—Anonymous, India


Dear Friend,

Your dilemma is as old as humanity. I will paraphrase the teachings of old: “That which, at first, seems unpleasant and difficult, in the end, becomes sweet. That which, at first, seems delightful and pleasing, in the end, becomes like poison.” Or as the great Buddha has told us, the reason to love all is that we have known everyone at some time in the past. Is it not so difficult to imagine being attracted to someone? After all, there are nearly eight billion people on earth at this time.

Certain feelings were aroused and linger but can never last, no more than the pleasures of youth. Pray then for the strength to let them go. Come as they did on the breeze of karma, let these feelings dissolve like fog beneath the summer sun; like a fragile flower whose petals are blown off by the wind. Don’t be sad. In fact, be grateful but centered in your true Self and resolved to do that which is right for you in this life. It is not so difficult. But if you feel weak in your resolve, pray then for strength. Pray, if you like, to Lord Shiva for the power of non-attachment, for the power to follow dharma (right action).

Immerse yourself in your marriage, your work as service, your devotions, your caring for others, and your meditations. You might think of this experience as a (Bollywood) movie: singing, dancing, and great drama: entrancing while watching it, but when it is finished you leave the theatre and return to daily life with never a thought about the movie.

Yato dharma, tato jaya.” Dharma leads to victory, and victory is the fullness and contentment of Being that results when doing the right thing calmly, with non-attachment, and as an act of devotion to Lord Dharma, to Divine Mother.

Okay? Fear not, you have the strength.

May the light of wisdom be your guide!
Nayaswami Hriman
Seattle WA USA