I Lost My Spouse. Why?


I recently lost my husband (38yo) in an accident, leaving behind our 2 year old son. I am trying to accept the new normal. I would be extremely grateful if you could help me with some questions that have recently been troubling me. What does an early death mean? Does it mean he had less prarabdh karma to deal with? Will I meet him again? Can you tell me a little bit about pitru loka? I am jealous when I see other complete families. How do I deal with this? Can he see & guide us?

—Prajakta Korde, Canada


Dear Prajakta,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and for your son as well, who will not know his father in this lifetime. I would assume that your husband’s current life karma (prarabdh karma) includes his early death. I don’t think there would be any value in attempting to measure his current life karma as being lesser or greater based on living fewer years than normal. Only a true guru could really know and it wouldn’t make a great deal of difference, either way.

Is he, then, in Pitru Loka, the abode of the ancestors? I would ask whether he had any deep connections with any of his family members, whether in the immediate or the extended family? Anyone he was especially close to or who acted as a guide or mentor to him? Where he is now depends on his aspirations in his (admittedly) short life. A spiritually advanced soul would presumably go to God or guru, for example. So it depends on him. Assuming that he had a deep connection with his family, then yes it would be safe to assume he was with his family.

Keep in mind that not only was your husband’s life shortened by his karma, but both you and your son have the karma to have lost him. But while this is certainly a great loss, it is also a great opportunity should you view it in this manner. Divine Mother is asking you and your son to look to Her for support, love, and guidance. This is an opportunity to affirm your faith in God’s goodness, wisdom and mercy. Perhaps your husband was spared some great trial or suffering by virtue of an early death!

When praying for your husband be sure to comfort his soul and not just pine away for your loss. He must go forward on his journey to Self-realization, so pray for him to do so with inner freedom, letting go of attachments to his prior life, and as a result, you too will feel increasingly free inside from your own grief and sense of loss. Pray to Divine Mother for strength, non-attachment, and faith in Her presence, goodness, and guidance.

It is quite possible that your husband, now clothed only in his astral and causal bodies, can see you both through the veil that separates you even if we, in human form, cannot see the astral realms. Mentally talk to him but try not to do so with attachment. You cannot help but feel a loss and grief but for his sake try not to hold on to him. Wish him well and send him your love. Treasure your memory but try to do so with a sense of gratitude and inner freedom and not by holding on tight.

This is your opportunity to deepen your love for God and to mirror that love to your son. God is our true Father-Mother. This is the lesson behind the loss of a loved one. Depend more on God and turn your thoughts and your feelings to God who lives within you and within and as the soul of your husband, now departed.

May the Light of Wisdom guide your life to your soul’s home in God!

Nayaswami Hriman