Nameste, i have found myself verily influenced by my parents' tendencies (including spritualistic) , decision making ability, and pride. I feel myself rational and my intentions are good but my actions and emotions speak otherwise. I feel that i am not free. I could not make any strong decision and am struggling to become emotionally mature.
how to overcome the influence of parents tendencies. and qualities that i don’t want.
please don’t mention my name .
—Nagarajan R, India
Dear Friends,
We all live influenced by the actions, attitudes and consciousness of those close to us and even the society around us. It is true that in each life we grow out of childhood and towards adulthood. Maturity is not a matter of age but of consciousness. The influence of your parents is not completely from them but had its early life impact because it resonates with something inside you: we call it karma. So it is probably healthier not to think of these influences as coming from outside you (from your parents, for example) but from within yourself.
So it is that in order to live consciously (rationally, as you say) we do have to outgrow subconscious and past life karma (influences and actions). This is completely normal and repeats itself with each life as we (hopefully) spiral upwards towards cosmic consciousness, complete freedom.
Therefore what can we do? First off, understand that there is no such thing as being free from influences. The ego has no essential reality of its own, anyway. It is, rather, a matter of choosing your influences. And this brings us to:
- The company of friends and associates you keep. Who do you “hang out with?” Do you read spiritual books; listen to spiritual talks; are your friends devotees, meditators, yoga people? Do you have a guru? Do you have a place of spiritual awakening to which you go regularly for inspiration — church, mosque, temple, meditation center, etc? More than any single influence, who we associate with — both in person and within our thoughts — has the greatest influence.
- Do you have a personal daily practice of prayer and meditation? Have you learned time-tested technique(s) of meditation?
- At work, school or home, do you consciously seek to serve others without thought of self?
- Do you relate to a higher reality: God, guru, deity or? Do you seek to know God, to experience higher consciousness? Do you have a devotional temperament?
- The videos you watch, the places you go, friends, and entertainment: look closely at all of these influences; and, yes, of course your parents and family.
All of these suggestions can be applied to many other goals such as success in career or relationships because the influences we seek are important. Our thoughts are “things” as much as buildings and cell phones. The latter serve only to express the ideas and consciousness of those who make, inhabit or use them. The world is a universe of thought and feeling. This is not generally understood by humanity at this time in history but there are, nonetheless, many who understand the power of thought and aspiration.
“I am free, I am free. In my Self, I am free! I am free, I am free, in Thee, I am free!”
Blessings,
Nayaswami Hriman
