Should I Seek Marriage?

Question

Namaste,

I am Prashanth. I am meditating from past 10 or 12 years. I experience bliss whenever I become still due to energy flow through out the body. Although this bliss is available to me the desire for romantic relationship is still there meaning it has been less intense compared to past years. There is attractions and arousals as well but they are almost ignorable. I am a 33- year- old male, never been in a relationship. Do l need to go in to a relationship or desire may drop off?

—Prashanth Swami, India

Answer

Dear Prashanth,

As your yearning for a romantic relationship has persisted it would seem wise for you to consider your options. Your mind knows that romance starts strong and then wanes over time. Necessarily you will find yourself more or less “back where you started” except now you might have children, you live with another person, you have in-laws: in short, life will inevitably become more complicated. Yet, at the same time, you have addressed a pressing need within yourself and will have perhaps alleviated a kind of emptiness or longing inside you. It’s a trade-off, isn’t it? One thing for other things. It is a trade-0ff most humans gladly make. So, “why not join the human race?” And a race it is, indeed.

As a devotee, then, consider, as I said, above….your options! Approach the possibility of marriage with the blessing of your soul, with the “God’s-eye” perspective. Go beyond romance to spiritual marriage. Romance, yes, but also a “romance” of soul qualities: friendship, mutual service and support, kindness, courtesy, respect, mutual service to your families, your temple, your neighborhood or society. See your future partner in terms of the spiritual journey.

This elevated form of marriage does not require each of you to embrace the exact same forms of spirituality. “Spirituality is as spirituality does!” It is the hallmarks of spiritual consciousness that are more important than one’s specific religion, deity, or guru.

At the end of your meditations, then, focusing at the point between the eyebrows (the “spiritual eye”), send a wordless prayer into the “Light” for a soul-partner: a partner that will assist you in the unfoldment of your soul’s natural qualities, and, one that, perhaps, you can help to unfold her own soul’s nature. Feel in your heart the soul-satisfying qualities of true friendship and compatibility. Let romantic feelings be secondary for they can never last and always fluctuate. Ask for the blessing upon your desires and future partnership of God, guru and/or deity (in whatever way you relate to God).

Then, also, let it be known in your family and circle of trusted friends that you seek such a partner. You can’t only think about marriage, you also have to act. Do you sometimes date a woman? You should, if you do not already, learn to converse calmly and naturally with women who are eligible and appropriate for you to speak with. If you have a society or temple where you go, mix with and associate with (perhaps by serving a cause together, e.g.) with women so that you can learn to behave and relate in a meaningful and mature manner. Women are not objects designed to fulfill your dreams but souls and real people like yourself. The more you learn to relate in an intelligent, calm and mature way the more successful will your future committed relationship be.

During this time avoid seeking mere sexual arousal through the media, internet, movies or books. Those are false and delusive depictions of the reality of women. Pray to God in the form of Divine Mother who is pure, chaste, powerful and wise. View women in general as sisters or mothers so that you can develop your skills in relating in a calm, respectful manner. Respect in marriage is more important than love insofar as love, as humans experience it, is more emotional. True love is not emotional; it is calm and deep the vast ocean of Divine Love from which it is sourced.

Blessings to you in your life’s journey towards soul freedom!

Nayaswami Hriman