Unrequited Love, an Enemy of Happiness


I recently met one girl and i am very much attracted to her. But she just treats me like a stranger . So i am having a bias in my mind . So what should i do ?

—hari, Nepal


Dear Hari,

Yogananda often said that our desires will lead us a merry chase and then give us nothing in the end. There is nothing outside ourselves that can satisfy us. We will always feel unfulfilled until we find the fulfillment of all fulfillments within ourselves.

Until we find that ultimate fulfillment, however, and are no longer motivated by unhappiness-making desires, it helps to be open-eyed and self-honest about our desires. Never convince yourself that your happiness depends on the satisfaction of a particular desire. Offer your desires to God and he will help you transmute them, with your active cooperation, into the highest expression you can achieve.

The woman to whom you are attracted may well be a wonderful person, and may even be the right person for you, but it is difficult for you to know if that is the case if you are distracted by pangs of attraction. Try offering your longing for her to God. Pray for the right thing to happen. If she is the right companion for you, pray that God will make the connection. But also offer your longing to God so that He can fulfill it for you within yourself. Pray for His all-satisfying love while offering to Him your own Love. Offer your desire to God that he can help you channel that longing in a way that will help you grow spiritually.

If your desire persists but remains unresolved, take your mind off of it by vigorously doing other things. Give time for God’s compassionate plan to unfold for you. Even if you are overmastered by your longing and behave foolishly, give that to God too. Remain self-honest and offer your successes and your failures trying to overcome the pulls of wrong desires to God. He likes that.

Warm regards,
Puru (Joseph) Selbie