Why Does He Not Love Me?


How can I live all my life without a man who I love every second just because he is refusing me? How can I take that pain? I would love to get him healed, but my praying is not successful. I wish to be close to him, all my life, but he is refusing me over and over. I just want to love him. He is a great man, but I can't understand his painful behavior. Please pray with me. Thank you.

—Andrea jackova, Czech rep


Dear Andrea,

The more you want another person to love you, the more your need drives him away. It’s like being chased by someone – you naturally run away! Love, attraction, and harmony must be equal and mutual – they cannot be forced by the desire of only one of the two people.

The desire for human love, to the degree driven by emotional need, in the end, will bring you pain. Emotion cannot last. It must find its opposite in order for you to achieve balance, maturity, calmness, and even human happiness.

Right now you can only imagine that having his love will bring you happiness, but this is not true, because it will not last. Many are the disappointments that await your expectation that the love of another person will bring you happiness. This is a hard lesson, and you may in fact have to learn it the hard way.

Interestingly, the secret of attracting the person right for you is for you not to think about it. The magnetism needed to attract your life partner comes from you being the best you can be in life right now, without dwelling on your desire or need for a partner. God is the healer, not ourselves. It is a mistake to think we can heal or fix another person by our love alone.

Develop love for God with prayer and meditation, and express that love for God to others through mutual service, kindness, creativity, and non-attachment. In fact, the greatest secret of success in all things, including human love, is non-attachment. Love for the sake of Love itself: the pure, unconditional love of God. When you want another person to love you in return that is not unconditional love and such self-love can never bring true happiness.

Forget him if you can and place your energy and attention on loving God and serving God through the needs of those around you, those whom God has sent to you (whether family, friends, co-workers, neighbors). Be busy for God so you can put your mind on things other than this person. You will be much happier.

This will be difficult at first but it’s like giving up smoking, drinking or other addictive habits: painful at first but soon it is liberating and joyful.

Be of good cheer. A far greater Love is seeking your love and this greater Love knows no bounds and can never disappoint you.

Blessings and Joy,
Nayaswami Hriman
Seattle WA USA