is our relationship with our self and with others a reflection of our relationship with God? can you explain how the two are connected? for example, if our family member is constantly criticizing us, how does this relate to their relationship with God?
—SS, USA
Dear SS,
Human behavior, attitudes and karma are all so complex that a person can be a sincere devotee and yet retain irritating habits like being critical. Swami Kriyananda used the example of a stained glass window such as one might find in a traditional Christian church. When it is dark all the panes of glass look about the same: dark! But if a bright light is shining through the variously colored panes of glass then all the colors, pure and impure shine brightly. Thus it is with our soul and personality. Most people, he went on to say, aren’t BAD people because they don’t have enough energy to be bad (but might be bad if circumstances tempted them). We see, for example, ordinary people who become killers or torturers in a war-time setting.
As the soul advances spiritually, it gains energy and that energy can, energize both the good and not-so-good qualities of a devotee. At least this allows the sincere devotee to become aware of and even confront his/her dark side, or subconscious, negative tendencies.But the fact remains that sometimes virtuous people who are even agnostic or atheistic, seem better people than irascible devotees who have a lot of work to do on themselves! Virtue is its own reward but cannot free the soul from the prison of the ego. We must turn to God to achieve soul-freedom. God comes to us through those free-souls who are sent for this purpose. Thus a sincere devotee may, despite personal shortcomings, be further along the path to soul freedom than the upright and perfectly virtuous person who has no devotion and no interest in establishing a relationship with God.
But having said the above, I think it is probably more reasonable and more natural to wonder how a person, whether yourself or a family member, can be much of a devotee if he or she is continually being critical of others. Nonetheless, it is important that you do not be judgmental. Maybe the person’s criticism is based in truth even if in error because held with a judgmental attitude. Maybe inside they are doing “the best they can” and yet are a devotee. And, yes, maybe they are a very poor devotee.
The most important thing, whether for yourself, or others, is that we are 1) sincere in our desire to be a better person despite our shortcomings, 2) making an effort to improve, 3) trying to establish a relationship with God, Divine Mother or one’s guru, and 4) that we understand that the power to change comes from the combination of our efforts and the power of divine grace (in response to the intensity and sincerity of our efforts). It is exceedingly helpful to have the company of those who you feel express the spiritual qualities that you seek. That company ranges from within you (japa, mantra, chanting, devotion) to prayer, meditation, service and fellowship with other seekers.
Take all that comes to you of its own as guru’s grace and Divine Mother helping you to grow strong, release judgment, and express love even to those who criticize you.
Blessings to you,
Nayaswami Hriman
