I am a highly sinful and weak human being. However, when I look at my attempts to get over my pettiness, I am astounded. There have been times when for months, I only had food, sleep and entertainment. On the other hand, there have been other times when God has been graceful to guide me in my daily work and worship. So intense has been the conflict within me that it has almost rend me apart! How should I cleanse myself completely, removing all reactions and regrets, fears and agitations?
—Ashu, India
Dear Ashu,
You seem to be immersed in the consequences of a strong conflicting karma from your past: quite worldly against very devoted; ego against soul.
The way to cleanse yourself is to give energy, attention, emphasis to the side you want to strengthen, to the spiritual side. Turn on the light and the darkness will vanish as though it had never existed.
So see what you can do, realistically speaking, every day, to strengthen your positive qualities, your positive activities, your devotion.
You need a strategy for your everyday life, one that is doable, and then decide to really do it. Write it down. The inner battle needs a clear strategy.
If you fall into bad habits again, don’t worry. Just get up and try again. A saint is a sinner who never gave up.
Remember God loves you anyway, always, under all circumstances. You make a step to Him, and He will make two toward you, as you have already seen.
Do your very best, and He will do the rest. If your best is weak, give the failure to Him, and try again.
Try again and again, never giving up.
Chose your company carefully whenever you can. Don’t watch films that drag you down. Mix with sincere spiritual people as much as you can.
God bless your efforts,
Jayadev
